CTBaker in the Acres: Letting Go

Friday, January 03, 2014

Letting Go

Well. Happy New Year!

It's 2014 already? So hard to believe.

My New Year post is a little delayed, but then again, it's doing a lot better than my Thanksgiving and Christmas posts that never even made it to the blog.

I love the fresh start of the new year! For me, it's a chance to wipe the slate clean; out with the old, in with the new. I thought about doing a post on my resolutions, but then I remembered that resolutions and I don't get along. I do better resolving to make changes randomly throughout the year...as they come to me. I definitely have goals for 2014 in mind. I just don't necessarily feel like I have to change everything starting January 1st. I get too overwhelmed and fear failure.

I've spent the last few days reflecting on 2013 and what kind of year it was. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. I think the most distinguishable theme of last year is "letting go".

I'm not a "let-goer" by nature. I usually hang on for dear life.
Afraid of change, I cling to people, events, traditions, and idols. Letting go is hard. It can be liberating and bittersweet in some cases. Painful in others. Sometimes letting go of something hurts so badly in that moment, but it only means God is preparing us for something better.

It seems like I had a lot of that this past year.

I am still in the process of letting a few things go. Unfortunately, they didn't disappear at midnight on December 31, 2013!

I'm still trying to let go of my long-time idol and crutch called ANXIETY {it's a daily struggle}.

I said SEE-YA! to a few friendships that were often one-sided and a few that were recently very hurtful.

I am still letting go of the idea of not having my Aunt Laynie. The holidays make it rough!

I had to let go of an awkward and hurtful situation where my help was requested and was in turn perceived as invasive.

I let go of the idea that I was still 18 {or at least 25}, as I celebrated my 20th high school reunion.

I let go of my baby Ver and our 9-12 preschool days when he went to big-boy school with his brothers.

It was very long overdue that I purge the baby gear, so I let it go too. {It served me VERY well through all three.}
I also let go of having any more babies.

And as always, I tried to find a little humor in letting go of certain things...

I had to let go of my fear of operating heavy "machinery" {a 4-wheeler on a very steep mountain} and flying by myself.

Though it may not be a big deal to the average person, it's HUGE for me. I let go of my need to create thematically coordinated Halloween costumes and let the boys pick and design their own. (I only helped where asked.}